Kitano got off the boat clutching a big, leather bound tome: Necronomicon II: Electric Boogaloo. He walked into the Habbo offices and gazed down at ChronoZomfg, who was still laying unconscious.
"Do we have it? Do we have the name?"
"
Bartleby."
"The scrivener!"
"Not a doctor I take it?"
"No, he's only ten years old."
"That explains why the maze of his mind was so simple, he hadn't yet developed his psychic defences."
"Or facial hair."
Everything was ready for the ritual, and so Neja, Puffin, Grecian9, The 4th Habbo and Kitano surrounded ChronoZomfg, who was still unconscious on the floor, and began the chant.
"Boom boom boom boom, I want to stop this doom!
Boom boom boom boom, I want to stop this gloom!
Bartleby!"
"Who wrote this chant?"
"It sounds like trashy euro pop, doesn't it?"
"By thy name, we bind you, your soul is ours to command
Bartleby!
Ginsters! By Kendal Mint Cake thy soul shall bake!"
The ritual went on for three hours, leaving everyone exhausted, sweaty and ravenous for sausage rolls and peppered steak slices.
But the ritual was a success, any power Bartleby had was now gone, and we were facing the true form of ChronoZomfg: a scared and lonely ten year old boy."I only wanted to be loved."
"Yeah. Sending us to hell was not the best way to accomplish your plan though, was it?" Said Puffin.
"Seemed like a good idea at the time."
"So did the legalisation of Brown Plasto..." Said The 4th Habbo.
"So, all's well that ends well I suppose. ChronoZomfg, I command you to not send us to Hell."
"Fine."
"Not so fast..." Said Puffin, "As you know I don't like loose ends. And there is still one thing to clear up."
"The blood? There is quite a lot."
Neja shrugged, "Well, the Dungeon Crawlers had to slaughter something..."
"Someone is going to have to clear up this mess." Nodded Puffin, "Which brings me to my final deduction. We know that Senaa was the mother, but who was the father?"
"I assumed it was a demon." Said Kitano.
"I assumed it was Justin Bieber" Said Neja, before adding, "That's how you do satire, Kitano."
"Hmm." Pondered Puffin, having donned a deer stalker hat and blowing bubbles out of her pipe. "The father would have to have been a staff member, ten years ago. Now, I've looked through the records, and it seems like at the time there were only two male staff members."
"Oh, crap." Said The 4th Habbo.
"Now, one of them couldn't be the father, due to the incident with Jibbi. Which leaves one person, who was there back then. And as you can see, looking at ChronoZomfg, at those ears..."
"He has rabbit ears." Said Neja, "How did we not notice before?"
"Oh, crap." Said The 4th Habbo.
"Yes," Said Puffin, "It appears that ChronoZomfg's father has been with us all along."
The 4th Habbo signed. "Yes, it's true. I'm the father, my tale of woe begins 10 years and eleven months ago. I was young then, so full of life and-"
"Stop, please. This article is getting too long already." Said Puffin.
"I say we get rid of both of them." Said Neja, holding her trusty broadsword, Thomas, named after her beloved uncle.
"No killing." Said Kitano. "I think I have a solution."
And so it went, that ChronoZomfg was hired to work at the Habbo Hotel as the Senior Janitor, while The 4th Habbo was demoted to Junior Janitor. And ChronoZomfgs first job, was to clean up all the blood caused by Neja and her posse, a task that, when asked to perform, was met with the slow, milk-warm words of ChronoZomfg, "I would prefer not to."
Ah Bartleby! Ah humanity!
